Gender norms and pregnancy

I have always been in male-dominated fields. I was a Math and Statistics major in college, studied Finance in grad school, went to work in Investment Banking, and then made my way into Tech. I was often the only female in a room and found myself fighting against gender norms the entire way. Probably subconsciously why I became a scotch drinker and never became a very good cook. I also found myself a life partner that appreciated my desire to remain in the workforce and didn’t mind my lack of “domestic” traits. He doesn’t even mind being the chef in the house.

Fast forward decades of fighting against gender norms.

While I always wanted children, I never actually pictured myself being the one to give birth to these children! When we made the decision and I did become pregnant, I came face to face with why I was so anti-pregnancy. After years of pushing back against gender norms, I was finally doing something that fit so neatly into a woman’s role in the home. It was a duty that I couldn’t share with my husband. And as my belly grew larger and larger, the whole world could see (and enjoyed commenting on) my resignation and submission into a mother.

I wrote this to try to (1) make it more socially acceptable to have these types of conversations and (2) to come to terms with my feelings about pregnancy and my transformation into mom. And I realize that the most important thing I can do now for all of the women that feel this way after me, is to continue to fight against gender norms while being mom. That it’s ok to want children and to become mom while continuing to focus on and find success in a career. In fact, that you don’t just become mom, you add on mom to your many roles and personas that you bring to the world each day.

I’m fortunate to work for a company that does a great job of supporting men and women that want to start a family. I can’t wait to meet our child this month and then return to the office next year with my additional persona.